


This Town

by wanreina



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Character Death - Mentioned, Episode: s05e12 Damocles Part 1, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Octavia Positive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 23:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15520821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanreina/pseuds/wanreina
Summary: Octavia's thoughts in 5x12. You know, THAT scene. AKA: I have a lot of emotions. Spoilers and triggers. Read the tags.





	This Town

Dear My Everything, we've come a long way from promises and responsibility, haven't we? On opposite ends of the battlefield despite my best efforts to keep you close, to protect you as you've always protected me. A long way from Morning and mourning. A long way from watching the moon rise in space from a window I wasn't allowed to see. In a place I wasn't allowed to exist in. I wonder, did you lie back then when you told me that your life didn't start until I was born? Or have I changed so much that you realize how wrong you were?

Dear Brother, I tried once. I'd lost so much and war as all I know, it's all I've ever known and I was fighting a war in myself. I hated you, I blamed you for everything but I hated and blamed myself more. So much I could have done, should have done, but I couldn't. I was too weak. I tried to step into the rain but I was pulled back. I wonder, would things have been better for you if I'd stayed in the rain? Now, I'm not so sure. It seems only fitting to be taken out by the poison that was in my veins, in my every being. Maybe I wasn't meant for this life. A mistake, a tragedy, someone who wasn't meant to exist. Maybe it would all be better if I didn't.

Dear Savior, out of everyone, I never thought you'd be the one against me. I loved you more than anyone, more than Lincoln. I would have done anything for you and you chose your new family over me, your own blood. I remember you promising me that you'd never let anything bad happen to me. Why? These years have been hard without you, so hard that I couldn't bear it sometimes. When you came down, I ran to you because I knew it would be okay but you didn't think the same as me. You had new people that you called family. You had a new group that were your family, and I didn't belong in that anymore, not to you. I wonder, can I save us? Or are we too far gone that there's nothing left to save. Maybe we never meant to exist at the same time, two souls that were never meant to meet. I'm not asking you to save me this time, not when I can't even save myself. Not when I don't want to save myself. Let me do this for you.

Dear My Responsibility, we've come a long way from whatever the hell you want and anyone who touches her will answer to me. My sister, my responsibility. My people, my responsibility. My brother, my responsibility. You'll always be mine. My responsibility. I'm sorry that I'm no longer yours.

My fight is over.

May we meet again.

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I have a lot of feelings about the Blake family and this episode fucked me up.


End file.
